Finished the Shift Shop Challenge last week–#NAILEDIT; ended the challenge 14.25 inches down and roughly 2 pounds lost (forever please!!)
Not going to lie, initially I was a bit disappointed with the lack of weight loss. They say the more you have to lose the faster it comes off in the beginning, right?! Wrong. Not for this chicken tender lover.
In all actuality, I had to be honest with myself about food and life encounters along the way. I still found myself at happy hours, having the occasional meltdown days, and ending a long term relationship. All things that carried some emotional weight (that I of course ate through 🙄). So there’s that.. lol BUT, I finished! I didn’t have a crappy meal and give up. I showed up every day and I gained a pair a pants in my closet back, so that’s a win. (Thanks, Taylar! 💕)
This process of letting go of perfection has me learning how to uncomfortably sit in things not going quite as I had planned. Once I have a plan–a vision–I take it personally when it starts unraveling.
This relationship being one of these plans.
I couldn’t let go. It felt (and still feels) unbearable to lose him. To see another relationship come to an end.
God called me to take a leap of faith. To take a chance at living my life across the country. Distance and life was inevitably pulling us in different directions.
When you’re telling someone that despite how hard it is, you are actively choosing them, and they tell you to ‘Stop’…listen.
It was time.
It ended. Seemingly abruptly. The workout challenge ended too, and it was just me, my thoughts, and all this energy around what I should be doing next?
Which brings me to now. I’m currently flying from SFO to CMH for a wedding weekend. My line sister is getting married today and one of my childhood besties is getting married tomorrow. I’ve spent this past week crying my way through yoga classes (mainly because I’ve been out of practice and every balance pose I fell out of!!) and preparing for the shift to training mode at work. It’s another new season for me–Fall being the only season I haven’t experienced in the Bay. The irony being that it was this time last year that I made my way to the bay for the very first time.
I made a solo birthday trip out here with just a backpack and plane ticket. Crashed at one of my best friend’s house and literally explored the Bay. 4 months later I moved here.
Please hear me. If you can put some of your fears aside, you can live out some of the greatest dreams of your life.
If you would’ve told me this time last year that I’d be making a life for myself in California– working at top tier institution, bringing my small business dreams to life, and surviving and learning to thrive with Bay Area cost of living, I probably would’ve started cracking up laughing. Mainly because I laugh at everything, lol, but also because it’s been a dream of mine for quite some time.
Setting the fear aside is MUCH easier said than done.
To be out here alone has been uberly challenging and uberly rewarding. I’ve heard time and time again, if you find yourself being the smartest/expert in a space, it’s time to move on.
I am by no means an expert in any of the spaces I’m navigating lol so I know I am exactly where I’m suppose to be.
Challenged at home with adapting to a new living environment. Challenged at work in navigating institutional cultures while still learning the logistics of my role. Challenged in relationships by navigating new friendships and mentors while trying to maintain those very things with people across the world.
Challenged in watching my parents age from a distance. Manage health challenges, and not being able to drive home for a quick dinner, check in, or a hug just because.
Challenged to be without Ruby. My rescue dog who in all actuality, rescued me.
Challenged to be away from my nephews and my niece– in 2 years time I went from no auntie responsiblites ( just Godmomma duties!) to 3 nephews and a niece!! My siblings have all nurtured my life in truly distinct ways and I so dearly want to do the same for their kids ( and maybe my own someday…)
Challenged to end a relationship with someone I truly loved in order for us both to truly grow…growing apart.
Challenges all around…and yet I’m exactly where I’m “suppose” to be.
I have been really pushing myself to live in a space where I’m making the next best decision. A space where I’m not harping on what I “should” have done differently or wish I could change.
Just making the next best decision.
I look forward to this weekend’s decision to see two people I love dearly, get married! I look forward to seeing my parents, my dog and the house I grew up in–even if it’s only long enough for my mom to make me a grilled cheese.
I look forward to starting a new Shift Shop Challenge Sept 4th, and doing the best that I can while giving myself allll the grace I need right now (I said grace, not excuses!!).
I’ve put on some significant challenge/stress weight within the last 2 years, and I’m looking forward to giving myself the peace and mind of gradually and persistently working on me.
One next best decision at a time.