I knew I was ambitious with thinking I’d be writing everyday, so then I switched to every week…and then every month…and then well, yeah. Here I am 🙂 lol
What a whirlwind. You all were reading first hand the initial transition woes. The emotional roller coaster days and the unbelievable amount of self-doubt in my ability to call California home.But by GOD alone. A LOT has happened in 4 months.
-I moved to my own place.($$$$$
Send me a roommate immediately, Brian you movin’!?)
-Went on my first road trip to Santa Cruz
(Hello weekend getaways just because!)
-Hosted my first visitors: My big sister and my nephew– doing SF tourist highlights (
got punched in the nose by a 2-year-old and it really hurt!!!)
-Went on Yacht Day Party with allll the trap music
-Entertained the idea of dating
(then realized I was too overwhelmed and introspective at the moment to give energy to anyone else)
-Re-downloaded SnapChat in an effort to recapture some of my adventures (
mainly because I spent most of the time on the Yacht party trying to remember my snap password to capture the ultimate turn up…and I failed! #damnyouvodkatonics)
-Walked the full Lake Merritt perimeter with some friends
(without peeing my pants, yes I have bladder control issues– leave me alone)
-Refurbished a dresser someone was tossing in the midst of their own move (
and tricked a friend into helping me carry it in to my place 🙂 )
-Started (and hopefully completing ) a 6 day juice cleanse.
Sure there are many other highlights of these past four months (i.e. my parking ticket record) but these are just some of the things that remind me of how far I’ve come. The tears have slowed, the fighting has ceased, and the growing continues.
The juice cleanse being the most recent of activities (currently on Day 4), coming out of a need for a reboot or hard reset. A fresh start. I’ve been so quickly moving through this transition that I hadn’t looked up in a while. I looked in the mirror a few days ago (4 to be exact!) and couldn’t even recognize the person staring back at me. In all the good and hard ways, I’ve been changing and haven’t taken a second to look myself in the eyes.
My hair is short and I get a line up at barber shop in Palo Alto where I’m the only black female ever present. I keep a line up…when did that happen?!
I have braces and my teeth are actually straight now– like I think it’s time to take these things off!! I hadn’t even noticed that these brackets have been doing their job amidst all the random food pieces I continuously am picking out of them.
I look JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. I mean it’s creepy guys. I looked up one day and I scared myself. I am no longer this little awkward rolly-polly 10 year old. Although I feel that way, my body has matured in ways that remind me that I am a full blown adult.
All of this has happened, or maybe has been happening and I just haven’t noticed. I’ve been so busy being soooo hard on myself that I lost track of everything I am doing right.
I am an aunt to 3 nephews and 2 nieces. People were telling me happy mother’s day and I couldn’t wrap my head around why! My sister is a new comforting presence in my life…2 years ago she and I barely knew each other…let alone spoke to one another…and yet she was the first member of my family to come out to see me. She and my nephew…
So much has changed in 4 months.
He and I closed our chapter.
So much has changed in 4 months.
A new chapter in my life. I find that I’m still writing, just not here. I’m writing my first book about transparency and vulnerability…and weight– how they all interact and can completely muck up self-love and self-esteem.
I’m brainstorming how to get my business off the ground and gambling with what it means to be your own boss. It’s sounds cool right, but by God- it’s a ton of work.
I’m drinking 6 juices a day– starting and finishing with a thicker dates/almonds based pressed juice with Chlorophyll and Aloe Vera Water and other green juices throughout the day. As I fight through what I thought were hunger pains, I realized that my brain was trying to calculate why I was no longer stuffing my body endlessly just to feel…
This juice cleanse has removed food as a distraction and really opened me up to what keeps me up at night…what I’ve been hiding from, and what I want most out of this life.
It’s also reminded me to do things that I love and learn to appreciate food in ways I had forgotten. This cleanse has given me time to pick up some of the books I have beautifully placed as decor and read them. This cleanse has helped me look in the mirror everyday with a little grace and little damn girl #hairflip all at the same time. This cleanse has reminded me of the importance of sleep, and nutrients, and metabolism pacing, and what it means to love myself RIGHT NOW… not just the “already healthy me” but rather the “I’m working on it” me.