“You have the power to climb out of the darkness and reconnect to the part of you that is worthy of everything you want. You have the power, but you have to realize that it’s within you. It’s not out in the world. It’s not in the words of this article. It’s not in your yoga practice. It’s not in your therapy sessions. It’s within you.”-MBG 10/17/16
Life is tough. Everyday is mixed with such a plethora of emotions, i.e. weddings, babies, new jobs, to deaths of family members and friends, scary diagnosis, and reminders that it could all change for you in and at any moment. It’s a gift, life- but it’s tough. It’s hard to wrap our human minds around the concept of spiritual guidance/acceptance. Whomever you pray, for me it’s Jesus, there’s at least some part of you that can’t escape the human nature of worry. Some days present themselves and you have all the faith in the world…get some news from a friend or family member and that unwavering faith may start to wobble.
At least mine does. I use to be real embarrassed about that. How one morning I could wake up and post something super inspirational about moving forward and then in the very next moment, end up crying the entire way home from work. Why? Because something happened in that day that shattered my faith. How does that happen? How can I be so faithFULL and faithLESS at the same damn time ? (Song pun intended).
One practice I’ve picked up is silence. I wake up in the morning and make every attempt to spend 2-3 min awake, but in silence. I try to hear what’s causing to me feel anxious, or excited, or nervous,or upset. Focus on what’s triggered the emotion and then just sit in it. The other day I woke up in a panic fearing I’d lost information I need for creating my business. I was so certain that I had lost it and was sadden and pissed off at the thought of having to start over. Before my feet had even hit the ground I was spiteful and angry. I sat still. Embraced everything I was filling–laughed at myself a little for being so uptight, and gingerly said, “Cierra, if God wants you to have this, you will find it, and if he doesn’t, he needed you to be okay with a fresh start.”
A friend talked to me last night about “the wisdom to know the difference”. The serenity prayer is a good one…but I had never really taken the time to work through this part of it. The prayer reads, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The wisdom to know the difference is the trickiest part of that prayer. I have a piece of art a friend and business owner made for me that says “Feel the fear and do it anyway” my therapist in grad school would say that to me when I would come in to see her bottled up with fear and anxiety about a decision I needed to make. Most recently I’ve struggled with two perspectives on that… feel the fear and do what’s in your GUT anyway or your HEART anyway or your HEAD anyway? If you are anything like me, it’s a rarity that these three are in alignment.
God sent a carrier by way of a friend yesterday to help me work through that… he said that God greets us through his love, guides us with his unconditional love, and shapes us through love…the heart…the heart is the single organ that keeps us alive. Yes, it works in tandem with all other parts of our bodies, but it’s the heart and when it stops beating that determines when earthly life has come to an end. God speaks to me through my heart. He speaks to me through a quickened heartbeat, a flutter, and then a short small whispered voice. I know how God speaks to me and I hear Him when I get silent and still enough to truly listen to my heart.
I write all this as I have woken u with a lump of anxiety on my chest. I woke up with a big giant fear of the unknown– curious to what God’s plan are for my life. Curious of what hardships and celebrations will be apart of my story. Fearful for wrong decisions and misunderstandings of feel the fear and do it anyway…am I hearing God? or am I hearing myself?…the wisdom to know the difference…
Silence ( and writing to share my story) helps provide me with the wisdom I’m seeking. Find yours…it’s within you, I promise.