Lately, as in for the past 4 months, I’ve been finding myself in drive-thru windows, ordering take-out, and couch surfing with my favorite greasy deep fried food item of the moment. I got on the scale two days ago and nearly passed out when I saw what that bishhh said. 1-8-7. something.
When did THAT happen. When did the scale suddenly stop reading 162. There’s no way, Cierra! There’s no way you’ve eaten yourself right back to where you started. Let me get off of here real quick and take this hair-tie out of my hair and get back on…
Yes, way. Yes, girl. You did that.
I was putting on dress clothes for work this morning and was further confirmed by the oxygen I lost from how tightly my pants were squeezing my waistline!
What happened? How did I get back to this utterly uncomfortable starting place. This place of damn near seeing 190lbs on the scale. On a 5′ 2″ frame. With my knee aching all over again. How the !?!?!?!?!?!? did I get back here!!!
I want to cry. Have a temper tantrum. Go to Dairy Queen and get a double Reese cup blizzard and watch Scandal in 15 minutes. That’s what I want to do. The brilliant you know better part of me, however is screaming at me right now. Screaming and saying every choice takes you one step closer or one step further from your goal.
I decided to write (type I suppose), instead of driving to DQ. I decided to share my story in the vulnerable way I promised myself I would. No matter what.
I decided to say, here I am. Inspired by my one small decision. To write. To fight. To call myself out. To choose to make a change. To choose Schweppses sparkling water to cap my night instead of a blizzard. To choose to brainstorm my next step. my next goal. my next shoveling myself out of my self-created hole.
I have to be missing something, right? The only reason you continue to try and
fail have to begin again is because you missed something the first, second, third, or in my case 1000th time around?
What am I missing? I surely thought I had it this time around…
What am I missing…where do I start….again.<3 I start somewhere. That’s a given, I’m starting again. I am committed to becoming the best me, win, lose, or drawl. As one of my all time favorite fencing coaches can commonly be quoted saying:
We fight, Cierra. We win. No other option. We crush it.