Cierra Chronicles: Life or Death

I brought in 2015 with one of my very best friends, Alex Powers. I walked into 2015 with someone who always pushes me to be at my best and recognize the power of leading by example. To not be a lip service, but to be a reflection of who I say I am, mind, body, and spirit.

“Cie it’s Life or Death. That’s all it truly comes down to. How bad do you want IT?” -Alex

Fill in the blank with your own it { weight loss, credit card debt freedom, healthy wholesome relationships, a loving and committed life partner, happiness in your work environment, etc}. I only truly accomplish goals when they become a matter of life or death–with that, I know that my best shot at getting the life I want is making my entire life journey, a matter of life or death.

Somewhere recently in my journey, I lost sight of death as an option. I could feel that I was falling off but I didn’t recognize it as dying— I know I can be dramatic but death = physically not breathing right??! – I was thinking of death as actually physically dying;  however I’ve recently discovered another death–death of spirit, death of self, death of drive and motivation. I lost sight of the true pain I was embedding with soothing myself with a family size bag of peanut M&M’s. The weight gain is temporarily uncomfortable--painful even, but watching people I love take self-induced shots of insulin twice a day is a completely different spin on pain. That pain is projection of my reality if I don’t chose my life. my goals, my future. My life right now offers so many options. My youth allows for my mistakes and mis-judgments, but I’m beginning to realize that I’ve already worked my way into 26 years of habits. If I don’t chose life now– I’ll be better off sitting at the slot machines trying to decipher what my life and health verdict will be. I have time right? Wrong. Tune into time… the one thing we think we have infinitely, and yet one of the only things that can be taken away at a moment’s notice.

Right now, this very moment, God is giving me a choice. I can go back to self-pity. Self-medicating with food. Self- hatred for the ungodly chaffing of my thunder thighs. I can go back to pizza and Canes for dinner and movie nights with hull-less popcorn and beer. I can go back to Bar Louie Happy Hours and over indulging on Tater Tots and vodka tonics. If that’s the life i want. If that’s the LIFE that I chose, by all means— he’s given me the free will to do so…

{We all know where this is going!- key in Ah-HA music! 🙂 }

Alex- best friend/trainer guy 😉 called me out on my shit yesterday. He looked at me and said, “you’re giving up on yourself and I don’t know why!” I couldn’t answer him. All I could think about was how far I’ve come and how I’ve worked so hard and that I was tired of working hard. That I wanted a break. that I wanted Canes. And Pizza, And Beer, And Happy Hours. That I wanted my old life because at least I knew how that one ended!? I’d be round and happy. Still smiling and carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders- what difference do I,Cierra, truly make anyway? People will like me whether I’m successful on this weight loss journey or not. —end pity party scene.

Alex: “This is greater than you- do you realize the lives you’ve touched by sharing your story? Do you not recognize the presence you give to those who don’t believe in themselves. Cierra, your vulnerability is changing and saving people’s lives. It’s a matter of life or death. Step Up. You know better- be better. Do better.”

My- small meesely Cierra’s health is a matter of life or death. 100%.  My physical, spiritual, financial, and intellectual health is relying on me to choose ME. Alex Powers​ reminded me yesterday that I want to go through life as a Ferrari. Premium fuel- gassing a journey from California to Maine with no pit stops for the cheap stuff. My engine requires HIGH quality to match it’s high definition. My body needs the best trainers to match the outstanding detailing. The air I exhaust into the world must come from a place of fueling others, inspiring and even carrying within the motivation to keep driving- no matter the pot hole size (Helllloooo Ohio!).

That. is who God created me to be.

You see, I’ve come to terms with God giving me my battle with weight as a gift to others. He knows me so well– he created me without a quitting bone in my body. God created me to be the overcomer. The chubby middle-school girl who had no idea that her battle with weight would become her voice. The insecure high school cheerleader/ theater nerd who desperately wanted every lead, had the personality for it,  but never quite fit the image of the role (too round, too loud, too dark, too _____).Through battles with self-identity and binge eating all throughout my life, God has given me a stage of my own.

His stage. His script. His story-casted and directed by HE HIMSELF. Audience? Whoever needs me/ wants to listen. Don’t freaking quit. BE YOU. Be the change you wish to see.

“The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you figure out why.”- Mark Twain/ Equalizer

My battle with the scale continues. Up about 6lbs with a summer’s end of goal of 150. Fight or flight? You already knowwww! #letsgooooo



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