Day 130: Progress vs. Perfection

The key is not to deny yourself. Focus on finding ways to satisfy your cravings without throwing off your diet. – MindBodyGreen http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15159/7-all-natural-beauty-tips-from-a-supermodel.html

130 Days. Wow. I can hardly believe it. Hit an interesting wall this week after my last weigh-in- I hit a new set of numbers! (holy moly); and in doing so, surprisingly hit a “I’m ready to eat what I want”/” I’m tired of denying myself my right to certain foods” moment. For most people- their success is the motivator for pushing through- for me? I’ve always battled the opposite...I know I’m weird. The more progress I have, the easier it feels to revert back to old ways. I swear I was staring at a Reese Cup for at least 5 min the other day just trying to remember what the innocent bliss of one…that turns into 10 taste like again! *sigh*

Instead of beating myself up (PROGRESS!) I decided to ask myself what was really different? What was going on inside, around, or generally within me that was shifting my health drive. My comfort zone was shifting…my insecurities were re-surfacing only under a different pretense. What did I really feel denied of?

People tell you that when you’re on a health journey, you better know the driving force. If not, you’re likely to think that the weight loss is going to solve a problem for you that it wont. Lousy self-esteem? Yup, sure weight loss can help with that, but how I truly feel about myself internally? Weight loss ALONE cannot fix that. Weight loss mixed with further self-discovery, however, sounds like a road I need to travel on. geesh, so profound!

My weight loss and inches loss and clothes gained thus far have definitely been pretty exciting moments, but these moments of presence. These moments of deleting negativity out of my life are so empowering. When I step on to that scale knowing that I’ve successful deleted one more negative thought on my value/self-worth, I jump on that puppy with a HEALTHY anxiety. Not one that’s afraid what the scale may tell me about myself, but excited to see the scale be a reflection of my journey….a progress– not perfection. Getting on that scale now is reminder to me that some days are heavier than other, but for every.stinkin.one. of  those heavy days, if you stay the course, those light at as feather moments come and last a bazillions times longer!

Self-esteem perfected? Absolutely not. Love myself every second of every day? Not quite. Looking in the mirror and smiling at the face I see. ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY. Why? Because that image of weakness, of failure, of fear, of lack, is slowly pealing away and shining a light on the pure beauty of Christ who lives within me. (Plus I have highly attractive parents so that chocolate covered almond glow is definitely a bonus! 😉 )

On Day 1-3-0, I celebrate progress. I celebrate presence. I celebrate me. ❤

To stay present in everyday life, it helps to be deeply rooted within yourself; otherwise, the mind, which has incredible momentum, will drag you like a wild river.”- E. Tolle The Power of Now

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