Most people that know me, wouldn’t typically use the word “shy” to describe me, however in the gym, a place where I’ve commonly lacked confidence in myself- shy and reclusive was my middle name. I joined team boot camp in the middle of Lifetime Fitness’s 90-day challenge. I was pretty intimidated by the workouts and even more intimidated by the competitive nature in which members were kicking ass. For the first few weeks I made it my goal to simply show up– I told myself that I didn’t have to speak- that I all I had to do was show up and everything else would fall in line…
Around the 3rd week someone caught me having true “Cierra moment” while shaking it to a song on my trainer’s playlist, prior to the work out beginning…(God knows I don’t have the energy to dance after!!) It was Alex. A few short weeks later I was introduced to the “Alligator Walk” as I like to call it (exercise that requires a partner and helps release the knots the build up in your legs…personal foam rolling!) I thought I was going to lose my mind and Alex laughed through the pain with me. I remember that day so clearly- because it was one of the first days that I truly felt a part of the team. Interesting part was the isolation was coming from me. The isolation was coming from a fear of quitting, of never keeping up, of not getting the results I want. The fear that’s always been a factor in my self confidence- where I keep that tallest and strongest wall possible up- trying to keep myself from investing…out of fear of the perceptively unattainable.
Several months later, now I see a greater identity with this group of fitness fanatics than I ever thought possible. I’ve learned that team boot camp reminds that everyone has a story. That everyone has a journey that they are on, with goals they hope to attain. I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to get to my goals on my own, and that needing the support and friendship doesn’t make me weak, it makes me human.
Alex, although I’m sure he didn’t know at the time, reminded me that it’s okay to be me. It’s okay to burst into dance, or laugh at pain, and cry when climbing an obnoxious amount of steps. Alex helped me see that rawest and rarest version of myself is still THEE SHIT. I don’t have to hide behind my slower burpees and my jumping pull ups. I’m not embarrassed to bring up the rear. I did it. I do it, and I will continue to get err done.
Self confidence has been my go-to buzz word lately. When I think of where I am with my goals and what it is that I’m after- the greatest gift I can give myself right now is self love. I’m tired of the bullying and the “I can’t” or the “I’ll never have” mentality.
Remember, every dream that’s in your heart, every promise that has taken root, God put it there.
My dreams of being a bad-ass sassy and sexy athletic young lady, with a healthy spirit and healthy relationships aren’t just thoughts that randomly bloomed. These are no longer blind goals for me. Self-confidence is no longer my enemy….I’m setting it free.
Thank you, Alex, and best of luck in Chi- city! It’s true- you never really know the impact that you can have on someone’s impositions in life; the half court shots come frequently but you only truly miss the shots you don’t take…and when you least expect it, you make it. 😉