A Blog. Another Blog. A place for me to finally to be open and less than ambiguous about who I am. A place for me to free-lance my 23 years of life thus far. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.
Currently I’ve been experiencing a series of “oh sh*t” moments. You know those moments when you realize that life isn’t anything like you imagined it to be. It’s nothing like the ways you set up your Barbie houses or baby dolls. It’s much much more bizarre than that. It doesn’t make any sense really. You do all this planning, for the man upstairs to take the lead regardless. Life is a series of motions. With a series of people, situations, friends, and family. Life is messy, pleasant, scary, insecure, indecisive, and sporadic. A roller coaster…that no matter how many times we throw up, we have to get back on. I love roller coasters for that very reason. Unpredictable, scary, enticing, liberating, and their ability to so quickly come to a stop. We think we know the timeline, or at least a rough estimate about how much longer we have to go, but truthfully, we have no idea. All that we know is that we got on, and that at some point it’ll stop. We hope that when it stops that its time to get off and go on to the next adventure.
I’m on this roller coaster. as of recent, all I’ve wanted to do was get off. I’m tired of throwing up, screaming for someone to get me off of this thing. I’m use to someone saving me. Coming to my rescue and taking and biting the pain of the ride for me. At 23, I have to take this one on my own. I’m transitioning into a place where I don’t want to be saved, but rather better prepared for the ride. I want to know where to stash the extra bottle of water for when I do throw up. I want to know where my chewing gum is to squash the bad taste in my mouth and find my smile again. I want to learn what support system I need to have on that roller coaster with me. Which family members and friends are going to be a contributing part of my ability to learn to take care of myself.
I’ve spent 23 years letting people make decisions for me. Letting fear dictate how I showcase myself…how I interact with the world. I want to be exactly who I am. I want to learn who that person is–find my life calling, and keep riding. Keep serving.