It’s been a year. I drive past Facebook headquarters nearly every morning during my 40-90 min commute to and from work; tolls have become my new normal.
It’s strange how in a years’ time, I can anticipate what continuing life in the Bay area would truly mean. Shared (small) living spaces, no Ruby…
maybe? I feel like I’m about to go get her, just saying., lots of introspection, and even more new opportunities to learn more about myself. All of that, followed by a loaded question, What’s next for me? And if I’m being honest– sometimes I hate it. It’s this constant battle between the two vision I see.
1. Me packing up the same 3 suitcases I moved here with and getting back to my family;
2.Me accepting the temporary emotionally exhausted shut down moments, wiping the snot, and resuming the life of independence and unexpected twist and turns,
In re-reading the options– the choice seems obvious.
TIME TO GO! Okay not really but I am over these uncomfortable waves of emotion.
I was talking with my boss/friend today about being in a career crossroad; that place where you recognize work-life for what it is, and yet still have these dream-like expectations for quality of life. Goals to accomplish and such–and being a spot of trying to make sense of it all–without getting ahead of yourself.
He’s regularly asking me what I want. When I get past the usual rambling off of materialistic or family lifestyle request, the conversation commonly shifts based on a current life event. Those events range from Midwest friends’ weddings, my mom’s health challenge/hospital stays, my nephews growing up with a ‘FaceTime’ Auntie, my niece’s sweet little voice on my voicemail telling me she loves me, or new health/workout regiment. Reality sets in on a few things. Everything I love seems so far away, for every obstacle, I keep looking for short cuts, and every area of my life that I’m trying to grow in, is right in front of me.
Begging me to not give up. But all those instances, are still not the answer to his question…What do I want? Really though?
F**K. I mean really though.Not that explicit terms solve anything, but from all of my Audible book-listening sessions to and from work (thanks Kevin Hart and Gabrielle Union) I’ve picked up on the use of f-bomb as an outlet to life. Sometimes there’s just nothing more that comes to mind.
My reality being I’m in a great place– I love the bay area, I’m building social networks, I’m building my business, I’m building my savings– and still–I keep trying to work around the real work…..Me… and sometimes, all I can muster up is a big loud f**k
I have more work to do. And that work starts with embracing the obstacles and traffic.
This last year has given me such an appreciation for what’s hidden in texts, texts being books-articles-chain e-mails even (thanks, dad!)- text message– etc. I read now more than I ever thought possible. I’m realizing that every new piece of information I read is walking me through another phase of life. A recognition that I’m moving through my life experiences exactly as I’m designed to… gradually letting go of the damn GPS.
Everywhere I’ve gone this year, I’ve relied on a specific route for getting there. The least traffic on google maps, or a back road with fewer cars– always looking for the least amount of obstacles. Only to learn that obstacles I’ve been avoiding are also all the lessons on patience I’ve been passing up. This year has shown me the importance of patience and learning that instant gratification is rarely what I need–there something to gain in following intuition and enjoying the ride.
So cheers to Facebook, 90 min commutes, and a life full of lessons to patiently learn. Work deadlines being missed. And Scoop carpools being cancelled last minute.
Jesus be a fence.